New Year's Eve

My plan to get to the hospital really early this morning didn't work out so well when I woke up feeling achy. Jesse and the boys had been sick all last week with the flu and I had hopes that I wasn't going to get it. I was feeling like I could avoid it. But when I woke up feeling achy I thought "Oh great here we go. I was going to be sick on the couch for several days, just like Jesse was."

So I decided to stay home and get more rest. I also took an Ibuprofen to help with the achy. Surprisingly it did me wonders and I didn't feel too bad.

I kept in contact with Jesse as the day was going on and about what time they were going to be allowed to leave for home.

When I got there they were ready to go.  And Fynn was jumping around all over the bed just so excited to go home. lol. He certainly made a big turn this morning and I have never been more happy to see him jumping around, being sassy and goofy (still with a mix of grumpy). He was need to be on Tamiflu, Tylenol and Ibuprofen for the next few days, but he is definitely on the mend.

What a BLESSING!!!

Jesse was telling me on the drive home that if Fynn would have been intubated like they originally wanted to, we definitely would not have been able to go home this quickly. I know it's because of all the prayers in his behalf. We had SO MANY people reaching out to us to tell us they were praying for him. It was very nice to have all the love and support in Fynn's behalf. 

I took a picture of the room number and...

...his bracelet he had to wear while he was in there. 

Jesse was so tired and Fynn just wanted to snuggle. 

Within the hour, Mike and Heidi brought Ryker and Cyrus home. What a blessing they were to take care of the older boys. I don't ever worry when they are with grandparents. And we are blessed to have both sets around. 

It still was New Year's Eve and Ryker asked us if we were going to have a party. I was rude and laughed. I explained to him that we were not because his little brother just got home from Primary's. 

After this week's sickness,  the Christmas hustle and Fynn landing himself in the PICU, we didn't have much party left in us. But what I will say is... how grateful I was that we were all together as a family this night.  

Primary Children's Day 2

When I woke up this morning I was a little disoriented. I forgot where I was and then remembered that my baby was in the PICU. I grabbed my phone quickly to see if Jesse had tried to write me in the night and I hadn't heard it. But there was nothing there. I text him right away to see how Fynn was. He told me that Fynn was still the same.

I went to work and was not super thrilled to be there. All of my clients were wondering why the heck I was even working. But I didn't know how I would be able to move my full day to another day that I didn't even have. So I worked. I think it was actually a blessing that I was working because I was more of a wreck when I was at the hospital with Fynn.

I got a few pictures from Jesse. Heidi had come up to spend the day with Fynnie. Mike stayed home with Ryker and Cy.  

Around 11am they took Fynn off of the Heliox. They said if he could go 6-8 hours without it then they could transfer him to the step down unit. 

Jesse had also sent me a picture of Fynn eating a popsicle. Apparently he wasn't aloud to eat anything since he had been checked into the PICU because they needed to keep his airway clear and also incase they still needed to intubate him. 

But as soon as they took him off the Heliox and gave him some food, he seemed to perk up. Jesse sent me a video of him actually talking. (I found out later from Heidi that Jesse got choked up when Fynn started to talk. This made my heart melt a little bit to know how much this meant to Jesse).

My last client is also friends with me on facebook and she saw my post from yesterday about Fynn being in the PICU. Sh refused to come in and that her hair could wait. I felt bad about it at first but then I was really relieved as the day went on that I could get to the hospital sooner. So instead of a 9-5 work day I was able to finish at 3pm. 

Jesse had called me around 2:30pm telling me that he was headed home to shower and take an hour nap. He was planning on going back up there at 4pm when he woke up from his nap. Heidi stayed at the hospital with Fynn. 

I got home around 3:30pm and was quiet as possible until Jesse woke up. Bless his heart he had had very little rest. As soon as he woke up he was anxious to get back up to the hospital because they were moving Fynn to the Step-Down unit and wanted to be there when they did. I had in my head that they would only allow one parent to stay the night. I thought I should stay since Jesse had stayed the night before. But Jesse was in a hurry so I thought I could come back later to get a bag packed and then go back up to the hospital.

When we arrived they had just barely moved Fynn, so we met them in his new room. I was so anxious to see him but he really just wanted Grandma and Dad. He was punishing me for working all day. But Jesse coaxed him into sitting with me. It was soothing to my heart to hold me baby. I love how close Jesse and Fynn always have been, but sometimes my mama heart is jealous. After all I carried this little one 11 extra days in the womb. 

While we were there Fynn was able to get his IV taken out. That was the last of all the cords hooked up to him so I thought he'd be excited to get it out. Matter of fact he was so sad while they were taking it out. Super brave but so sad. I think he was just so sick of doctors and nurses poking and prodding him. He learned to say "No", "Don't", "Stop" and "Go Away" to everyone that came in before they even touched him. He's usually very charming and friendly with everyone, but the poor babe had been through ALOT. 

Thankfully Daddy was there to hold him and calm him down after the nurse was done. Fynn fell asleep instantly all tucked up under Daddy's arm.

As the night went on I found out that we both could stay. But I hadn't brought anything to stay the night. I would have just sucked it up, but my daily contacts aren't able to last more than the one day and I didn't have me glasses to switch them out. So I told Jesse that I would run home and grab stuff for the night and for the following day. 

On the way home I noticed the truck was low on gas, I thought I better fill it up before I went back up to the hospital. Once I got home and saw how late it was and everything that I needed to do, it didn't make sense to go all the way back up there. I text Jesse about the thought of me just sleeping at home and bringing everything up early the next morning. He said that was just fine. 

A Birthday I will never Forget

I have been looking forward to my birthday, well since last year. Lol. I've come to learn that I am kind of a birthday princess. I love my birthday. This was the first year that I have decided NOT to work on my birthday. I put Jesse in charge of planning a day for us. He never disappoints, so I always am eager to learn what he has in store for me. For starters he gave me a brand new Surface Pro Computer laptop for Christmas and my birthday combined. So now I don't have to borrow his laptop when I need to blog. 

This past week EVERY boy has been sick. Jesse has been glued to the couch for the past 4 days. He would try and do the dishes and it would wear him out and he'd have to take a nap. Fynn was feeling the sane way. Ryker an Cyrus were sick, but not nearly as bad as Jesse and Fynn. Me? Well I was still hanging on to the hope that I wouldn't get it. 

Last night Jesse told me what he had planned for today. Originally he wanted to take me on a hike (since I love doing that so much lately), but with how he's been feeling he opted out of that (which I was completely understanding to). He then told me his plan B. And that was a couples massage at 3:30pm, dinner and a movie. Sounds fantastic to me. 

This morning I went to the gym. The owner was cool enough to program a tough workout in honor of my birthday. Since I had until 3:30pm, I went to the grocery stores to get all our food for next week's menu. 

I got home and Fynnie was chasing the boys around, but his breathing was not normal. Every inhale was a wheeze and every exhale was a cough. But I wasn't too alarmed because he was running around. 

I showered and climbed into bed, because I could. It's my birthday. Jesse thought a steamy shower would be helpful for Fynn so he showered with him. When he got out Fynn climbed into bed with me. His breathing was not improved from the shower. Jesse dressed him and I told him we should call the doctor to see what they think. He had days of steroids (24th, 25th and 26th), so his breathing seemed like it shouldn't sound this bad. 

We were on hold for 10 minutes waiting to talk to the front desk. By that time Fynn fell asleep on Jesse's chest. As we were talking with the nurse about Fynn's condition she told us that we could go to the appointment available at 2:10pm or go to the hospital. At this time is was about 1pm and we just thought we could just take Fynn to the doctor. The hospital didn't seem like it would be necessary. We got off the phone and about that time Fynn woke up. And his breathing was not good. Jesse looked at me and said "I think we should take him to Primary's." And when your paramedic husband tells you that... you listen. 

He told me that they would probably do a breathing treatment on him and he'll be back in a few hours to take me to dinner and a movie. No problem. 

But it was too late to cancel the couples massage. So we called Heidi and Jesse insisted on her coming out here to go with me instead of him. I'm feeling guilty that my husband is going to the ER with our 2 year old while I go and get a massage. But he was feeling like he wanted me to still have a birthday.

So Heidi picked me up and we went and got a couples massage together. I find it awesome and funny that we are both comfortable enough with each other to go and get a couples massage together.

When we arrived they had us change into robes and I had to send Jesse a picture of us. He was checked in and I didn't hear anything from him until we got out of the massage.

When we got out I had a few texts and pictures from him and the one that alarmed me was that Fynn was in the PICU and almost was intubated. I called immediately. Jesse was very calm (which I found out later that he was trying not to freak me out on my birthday). But when you hear that your 2 year old is checked into the PICU you know that it's serious.

He told me that he canceled the movie since he thought I wouldn't want to go to a movie while Fynn was in the PICU.

Heidi and I grabbed a couple of pizza's for all of us at Blaze Pizza (my favorite lately) and hurried home to Ryker and Cy. They had just been chillin at home while we were all gone. We ate our dinner as fast as possible and I packed a bag for Jesse. He also had told me that they only allowed ONE parent to stay the night in the PICU. And he said that he would.

Heidi stayed a little after I left for the hospital and got the boys packed up and cleaned up the house. She's the greatest. Honestly. I was feeling ever so grateful for her. She knows how to insert herself to help me without overwhelming me. I was given the peace of knowing my older 2 boys would be in good hands.

The drive there felt forever long. I know that Primary's is only 20-30 mins from our house, but it felt so much longer than that trying to get there.

When I finally arrived and made my way to the PICU, my heart just sunk when I saw Fynnie laying in the hospital bed hardly responding to me. I couldn't keep my composure. Is this really happening to us right now? This is a first for our family. Never thought I would experience the PICU. Oh Fynnie my heart just breaks as I sat next to his hospital bed.

Jesse informed me that Fynn was tested positive with INFLUENZA A which was causing croup.  It turned out to be such a blessing that Jesse decided to take Fynn to the hospital when he did, because when they arrived Fynn was going down hill quickly. I've asked Jesse to write up his side of the story as well, so there will be more detail of this. 

While in the PICU Jesse pulled me aside and said to me "Ash, this has been all more serious than I have been telling you. I didn't want to freak you out, but this is serious." 

He then went onto explain everything that had happened up until this point. Before I let him chime in I'll briefly tell you that Fynn didn't respond to a breathing treatment, so they thought it was bacterial. So they had to scope him. No Bacteria. Then they did an X-ray. That's where it got serious. Before long 15 people are around Fynn yelling different orders and one of them was INTUBATION. Jesse teared up and asked them not to intubate if they didn't have to. Jesse can explain in further detail than I can. 

JESSE:

He was zoned in on the TV most the time, but occasionally he would cry out or cough and you could just hear the tightness in his throat. He wasn't aloud to eat or drink anything except a tiny amount of water after taking some Tamiflu.

When the time came me to go home I just cried so hard. I thought maybe I should just cancel my whole day at the salon. But then where am I going to put an 9 hour day somewhere else in my life? Jesse told me that I should go. He reassured me that he would take good care of him. I made him swear to me that he HAD to call me with any new news on Fynn. Even if it was 3am.

Even still I couldn't handle the fact that I was literally walking away from my child. Would he think that I was abandoning him? Oh my mama heart couldn't handle it. To help me feel better Jesse said he would walk me to my car. Fynn didn't even seem to realize that we were there, but when we started to leave he started to cry (with what little voice he had left). Oh that was just the worst thing. He really was sad that we were leaving. The nurse was so great though and jumped right in to distract him while we left.

I made it home and had the hardest time falling asleep. But I managed.

Christmas 2017

By the end of last night, Jesse wasn't feeling so great and Cyrus wasn't starting to feel to good either. So Christmas morning all 4 of my boys were sick. But that didn't stop us from having a nice Christmas morning. 

Christmas is very exciting with the ages these boys are in. I was really excited about it. But first I need to tell about our new stockings.

About a month ago I got this great idea that I really thought we could use some new Christmas Stockings. I found these ones that were firefighter ones and thought they were perfect. The set came with a tree skirt too. We also were 1 stocking older shy of 5 and I had the thought "Oh we have 5 letters in our last name. I wonder if I could find ones that are letters of the alphabet and could spell out SMITH across the fireplace mantle (which I love that we have this year). Sure enough I found some and ordered them. 

As the weeks go on and many Christmas orders were being delivered from Amazon I began to wonder what was taking the stockings so long. So on December 10th  I emailed the company and asked them when they were thinking they would be finished? They emailed back pretty quick and told me they had been delivered on the 1st. Hmm? I hadn't seen it. So I asked Jesse and Heidi if they had? Nope. Nothing. I went through all the packages I had received in the mail (that I had stashed in my closet) and none of them contained the stockings or tree skirt. Dang it. I was feeling worried. Did someone steal it off our porch? 

I emailed them back that I never got the package. They responded asking if I would double check with neighbors and the post office. I asked if they could describe the box that it was sent in? They told me it was sent from USPS in a medium flat rate box. 

I confirmed with my neighbors and the post office that it had been delivered and no one had seen it. So the company was gracious enough to make me another set and mail it to me. They sent it to Mike and Heidi's house to make sure it wouldn't get stolen again.

After a few days we finally got it and I was so excited to put them on the mantle.

Last week when I was pulling boxes out of my closet to wrap them, there was one box I had put on the upper shelf for the boys and when I pulled it down, a white soft package fell from the shelf. Not knowing what it was I opened it. What I found shocked me. It was the Firefighter Stockings. I show Jesse and told him where I found it. He looked at my a little guilty and said "Oh ya, I remember putting that package up there." 

So now we have 2 sets of Firefighter stockings and 2 tree skirts. We both thought it was in a white USPS box, but it came in a white USPS bag. Gosh dang it. I felt so bad that the company was so gracious to make us another set thinking that it was stolen, but in reality we are the ding dongs that can't remember where we put stuff.

 

Christmas Morning and these boys! I just love them.

Ryker had been asking for a HEDGEHOG for Christmas. It was the only thing he had on his Christmas list. I wasn't so sure about getting one. But the more I studied about it online, talked with friends that had one and a breeder about how to take care of them... Jesse and I decided to go ahead with it.

It made me SO EXCITED for Christmas morning because I knew that Ryker would be head over heals about it. Also Jesse made the coolest cage from a $25 dresser we found off of ksl. He's so skilled.

When Ryker saw the cage he was a little confused and hopeful. He wasn't sure what he was looking at. But I could tell he was hoping to find a hedgehog in there. Grandma Mike gave him a flashlight to look inside. Mike and Heidi had spent the night. Since they watched Fynn since yesterday afternoon and they wanted to be here for the boys Christmas morning (they chipped in with paying for some of the hedgehog cage needs). I loved having them here because they made the morning that much more special.

After the boys opened their big gifts, we read the Nativity Story from the scriptures. We each took turns reading all the while Fynn was lining the Nativity into a perfect row.

This picture makes me smile because Fynn currently loves mints or gum. So he got mints in his stocking and after opening one he came to show me. I love his pursed lip smile.

The family got BOP-IT and Cy had it figured out quickly. I remember when I was a kid and we got a BOP-IT. I loved it. It's improved so much too.

After breakfast we got the hedgehog out of the cage and Ryker was so excited. The hedgie was really nervous of his new home so he stayed curled up in a ball making an engine revving noise and would pop/jump if we touched him. All of us would laugh because of how much it would startled us.

Around 2 pm the whole Smith Family gathered together. We started off with our traditional "Good King Wenceles Las" story drinking hot chocolate or herbal tea. It is a great story and a good reminder to think about and serve others.

Fynn was extremely onery. I think the steroids he was on plus not feeling very good just made him very temperamental. The tiniest thing would upset him and he would melt down. It happened over and over again.

Gathering to open gifts.

By nightfall we were all just exhausted and we just called it a night. Especially with everyone feeling under the weather we needed to get home to bed.

Christmas Eve

When I woke up this morning I was feeling super exhausted. Let me explain. Yesterday was such a stressful day that it had me feeling completely drained. Physically and Emotionally. From my workout to work to Harmoni's play (explained in previous post) I was gone from 6am until 11:30pm. I didn't even get to bed until after midnight. Poor Heidi had the boys all day too, so she was totally tired as well. She mentioned to me that Fynn sounded kinda croupy after waking up from his nap. I didn't really think much about it because Ryker hadn't been feeling good, so I just thought it was a winter cold that was going around. 

But at 5:30am this morning I woke up to him crying in fear. I could hear that he wasn't breathing very well. I grabbed my robe, ran upstairs and took him outside to sit on the porch. We stayed there until he calmed down and he was able to breath a little better. He eventually told me he was getting cold, so I took him up to his room, changed his diaper and we snuggled in the rocking chair until 6:30am. He seemed tired still and I for sure was, so I put him back in bed and I climbed back in bed myself. I slept until 8:30am when Jesse came home from work. He climbed into bed with me and we talked for awhile. I told him all about Harmoni's thing last night and my stressful day. Maybe I was too tired but I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried to him and told him how much I loved him and am so lucky that he's MY husband.

As the morning went on we noticed that Fynn was really sick. He had a fever of 102 degrees and having a difficult time breathing and coughing regularly. Jesse took a shower with him hoping the steam would help, but then took him outside to get the cold air to open up that airway. It was cute because Fynn would ask Jesse to take him outside. It must have really helped him feel better. 

I had text my family this morning too because we were all suppose to get together at 3pm to celebrate Christmas. But now we have a baby that is really sick and I'm afraid to spread it. I asked them what they wanted me to do. They all agreed to have him just come and we would all be really careful. My Dad also suggested a priesthood blessing. So by 10:30am my dad and Tyson were here to aid Jesse in giving Fynn a blessing. Also Cyrus was showing signs of not feeling well either, so he was given a blessing as well. 

Before they got there Jesse used the nifty app TelaDoc to call in a steroid for Fynn. We knew he needed it with how bad he was doing. 

Tyson left , but then my dad hung out for a minute and played Uno with Cy. He was cute and put music on his phone to get Fynn to fall asleep on the couch. 

Jesse and Ryker got ready for church (which was at 11:30am today) and I stayed home with the sick boys. 

 I was in a little bit of a dilemma because Fynn just wanted me to hold him, but I needed to get some food ready for the Christmas get-together. I just wanted to hold him but also stressing about everything I needed to get done. Jesse was at church with Ryker and I somehow managed to get everything done that I needed to.

As soon as Jesse got home TelaDoc called him and Jesse was able to explain what was happening with Fynn. They were able to call in a steroid for him. About the same time Heidi had text me wondering how Fynn was doing? I told her what was going on and we were trying to figure out what we wanted to do about the rest of the day. She was so gracious to offer her help. Her and Mike came out to our house around 2pm. They were going to stay with Fynn while we went and spent the evening with my family.

Jesse dropped me, Ryker and Cy off at my Grandma Goodrich's house to visit with her and my siblings. Jesse went to the store to pick up some Tylenol, Ibuprofen and the steroids for Fynn. While we were visiting with Grandma Jesse was busy getting things for Fynn. When he got back we gathered for a picture, chatted a little bit more and we were needing to leave so we could get to my parents for "Christmas".

When we go to my parents we played games, ate a yummy dinner and had a surprise visit from Santa.

 Each of the littles got matching jammies and the couples got a bag of cuties. I was a little bit sad that Fynn wasn't there for this part. I know if we brought him he would have been so miserable, but we surely missed him.

After Santa left we opened Christmas Gifts. My Dad likes to do the divining out. I guess it's tradition.

Before the night was up we had to get a picture of us all together. It's been 3 years since we were all together on Christmas. One of the Christmas Miracles was that My parents were able to talk with Amanda and Aaron and work out their differences. My heart was so happy to have them there this year. Still missing our sweet Alexa. I sure pray that Heaven is watching out for her and she'll come back to us one day.

Minus the fact that my baby Fynn came down with Croup today, I'd say today was one of the Best Christmas Eves. I'm blessed with the BEST family on both sides. Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Smith Family Tradition

Ever since I became a Smith I joined in on their Christmas Eve Tradition by going to an Assisted Living Center to sing/play instruments to share some Christmas Spirit with some people who might be lonely this time of year. It's been a heart warming tradition that reminds us all that this time of year is one for LOVE, LIGHT and JOY.

It was really heart warming for me to see my boys sharing their talents as well. I remember my first Christmas as a Smith, this tradition was all very new to me. But here we are 12 Christmases and 3 boys later and we're still dong it. Usually we do it on Christmas Eve. But with Christmas Eve being on Sunday this year it made it a little tricky. Plus my parents wanted to celebrate Christmas with them on that day anyway because we usually have dinner with them on the 4th Sunday. Luckily that worked out with everyone on my side and Jesse's side of the family. So we moved our traditional Christmas Eve Caroling to the 22nd.

After we were all done with our performances we went back to Mom and Dad's for dinner and a little hang out. Ryker hasn't been feeling all to well the past few days, but with a little Motrin he seemed to perk up.

Jesse and I both work tomorrow so the boys were planning on spending the night since Mom and Dad were watching them tomorrow.